Success and Failure

Recruiting for a full-time analyst position at a bulge-bracket bank is incredibly hard. No wonder there are so many folks out there who have been disappointed again and again in just trying to get an interview at these places (I'm talking about GS, MS, JPM, Barclays, WF, BaML, etc).

My plan starting from high school was to enter one of these banks and make 120k within my first year. Plan? More like dream. I did not work hard enough over the 4 years of college to deserve myself of this honor.

Many of my classmates will be entering the workforce come this spring, and believe me some of them WILL be earning 120k. They have worked incredibly hard - one friend I know, started out in CAS (the liberal arts division of NYU), and stayed there for 2 years, and then transferred to last year. Then he got an internship at JPM, and bam, he gets an offer and he's set.

Am I attributing his success to luck? Definitely not. I was lucky, I got into Stern immediately rather than having to risk/work my ass off for 2 years just to be able to get into the business school in the first place. But he took his situation, and instead of whining or sulking about it, he instead doubled-down his efforts, and voila... here he is.

On the other hand, what am I doing... sitting in this cold hedge fund, trying to blunder my way through the FX trading world, without any mentor to really guide me. (Yes, there are senior traders who talk a lot, but they don't have time to focus on me specifically). If I was working at JPM it would be a different story.

But who am I kidding? This is just a temporary situation. I put myself into this, by repeatedly playing games over the years, and not working as hard as I should have. Instead of studying for my classes I was playing games, watching TV, or doing music. Nothing wrong with any of them (especially doing music), but if your goal is to get a full-time analyst offer at one of those bulge bracket banks, wasting time on other stuff is simply... stupid.

And yet, I can't deny myself the sinking thought that maybe this isn't the correct area for me in the first place. After all, I've always wanted to be in music. When I ask myself at before sleeping, what is my dream, the first thought in my head is, I wish I could be a professional composer. And when I wake up, the same thought crosses my mind.

Is that why I can't be in this field, or is it because I haven't tried hard enough? Regardless, this period of time (September-early October) is the most crucial time for me to FOCUS. It's funny, I spend 3 years preparing for this, yet it's during the most crucial moments that I falter and begin to wonder if I made the correct decision.

I just have to try my best. Get a few interviews, and go into those interviews with my head held high and a smile on my face. I shouldn't be scared of failure. Failure is never something to be scared of, but regret is.

It's far better to work your hardest and realize that you simply weren't good enough, than to not try hard enough and think that you could have done better.

Commitments

I made a commitment a while ago to join this Chinese lunar festival show. I agreed to help out by playing the piano, and perhaps arranging a piece.

Yesterday, my mom called and asked if I could go back home (to Maryland) for the Lunar Festival. She said that my cousin, who I have not seen for a long time, will be flying back from Berkeley, and that she wants me to be there too. After all, in Chinese culture the Lunar Festival is a period of time where you celebrate being with your family.

Unfortunately, I had already made a commitment to this Chinese show, and I think the directors are relying on me to get my end of the deal held up. So I told my mom, sorry, I can't.

Sometimes you make a commitment and you wish you hadn't. I do that all the time. It's one of those things that just eats away at you. For example, let's say you marry. 5 years later, your marriage is in shambles and you're filing for a divorce. Both of you are wondering why you made that choice, that commitment, which ate up 5 years of your life when you could have been finding someone better.

Maybe that is a rather cynical view of marriage, but I feel like making commitments is something that a lot of people (including myself) take too lightly. Let's say you make plans to get dinner with a friend one night. That day comes, but then another friend (who you like even more) asks you if you want to grab dinner, so you cancel on that first friend. After all, who cares about commitments, why not do whatever you want?

I used to think like that. I would break off commitments just so I could do the thing I wanted to do most when I felt like it (I'm a very spontaneous person). But then I realized how terrible of a habit that is.

Breaking commitments shows people you have no respect for them, that you have no backbone. That you aren't reliable enough to be held accountable to your word. Your word means nothing.

Of course, you may never see that person again (and believe me, they'll never want to see you either), but that kind of habit eats away at your soul and eventually turns you into this sporadic person that no one really can trust. Once you're that person, you'll lose everything.

So if you don't think you can hold your end of the bargain, don't make the deal/commitment. It's better to say no, than to later cancel because you had something else come up. Of course, that "something" may be an emergency, but most of the time (and we all know this) it's something that is totally irrelevant.

Rules and careers

I was thinking about my career today (or lack thereof). As an entry level graduate, I pretty can choose any path in the world - but since freshman year, I chose the finance path. I always wondered, was this the right choice for me? After all, finance is certainly not for everyone - especially the more aggressive forms such as investment banking and trading.

Throughout the years I learned that finding a career that suits you really depends on some key aspects of your personality. I'd like to talk about one of those aspects today: your inclination to either follow rules or break them.

Now, I'm not talking about the middle school vagrants who chewed gum despite being told not to do so, or talked loudly in the back of the class during lectures. These kids were not "breaking" rules - they were not following them. They were being disobedient. That is an issue of character, and does not apply to what I'm talking about.

What I mean by your inclination to break rules - or "norms," is when instead of doing something in one fashion, you choose to try something new. For example, let's say you're working on an essay for your English class. Merely disobeying the rules would be to go to one of those "pay for an essay" websites and get someone to write for you. But breaking the rules would be, instead of writing an essay, you write a short story.

So why did you do that? Maybe because you felt like, an essay could not convey your point of view as well as a fictional story could. Maybe because you felt like the confines of an essay are too limited for your expanded mind. Maybe because you'd rather have an entertaining piece of work to read, rather than a boring, drolling, 5-form structured AAPL approved piece of student trash that no one else would ever read besides your exhausted teacher who has to read over 120 of them.

Do you see what I mean? The kind of people who would rather write a short story than an essay are the type of people who are inclined to "break" rules rather than follow. And let me begin right off the bat - if you're this kind of person, you should NOT be in finance.

Finance is all about following rules. There are a ton of conventions to follow when pricing equities and calculating profits and figuring out the bid-ask spread. Bankers usually leave the rule-breaking to the academics, who then create new rules for the Bankers to follow. If you love following rules, you should be in Finance.

So now you're wondering, wait, Lionel, did you say you're in Finance? But you like to "break" rules? What are you going to do?

I honestly don't know. This is why I am thinking about just going into Sales. Sales is an aspect of banking that is much more client-focused than the other sides, and some creativity is encouraged rather than suppressed. But honestly, if I had to choose another career, I'd much rather have chosen music.

Because in music, you don't follow rules. You break them and people cheer you on. But in finance, when you break rules, all you do is lose money.

Lesson learned.

Film Music

It is my opinion that John Williams' music is 2-3 levels above everyone else's. Don't get me wrong, the other composers write fantastic music, and a lot of it is emotional, intricate and poignant. But in terms of complexity, I don't think anyone's music compares to that of J Williams.

A huge part of music is all about managing your audience's expectations. The challenge for a film composer is to understand what the audience is looking for, and then go one to two steps ahead of that. Meaning, if the audience is expecting an ominous theme, then the music written should not just be ominous, but fearful. I can't really put it into words.

What always amazes me about JWilliams' music is that it radiates form and structure, despite the fact that he eschews the usual chordal forms. It is erratic, it is shocking, and at times it just plays into your soul and makes you wonder what kind of magic is out there.

(BTW, I am listening to one of JWilliams' soundtracks right now - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tztuGMPLAmI)

A lot of film composers are good at writing music that "fits" the ambiance, or is emotionally beautiful. That's great. But JWilliams' music is an entire new world in itself. Some of the musical theory he uses is so intricate, and utterly brilliant.

Let's take a comparison soundtrack, for example. Everyone always compares JWilliams to Howard Shore, because HShore has some of the most epic music (in LOTR). But when you listen to HShore, you think, I could write that. The music has a lot of chordal symmetries, the instrumentation is excellent but not mindbreaking, and the structure of it all is quite comprehensible to the human ear. Do you guys see what I mean?

I'm not trying to undermine HShore's music. I'm just saying, while it is extremely beautiful, the structure is clear and there are patterns that begin to emerge (such as a timpani emphasizing the beats, or the lower strings providing a significant bass, or the upper strings holding the melody).

These patterns are great but they make the listener too comfortable. When you're listening to JWilliams, you just don't feel comfortable... you feel a hidden energy in you that you never knew existed.

What makes a good book?

Honestly, I don't read as much as I would like to. I used to be a huge fan of Harry Potter - and by huge, I mean, crazy. I read Harry Potter fanfiction every single day for a period of time, sometimes staying up all night to read stories written by other people about J.K. Rowling's universe.

What an amazing experience, growing up with Harry Potter in your world. Back then, it was the greatest thing that ever happened to us teenagers - we happened to be the same age as HP, and it was almost like, we were growing up together in two separate worlds, but there was that connection.

I've always felt the HP series encased something much more magical than just a good story/world. Many critics have criticized it for not having enough "character development" (i.e. the characters' maturities levels do not really improve over the series). But that's just one part. I feel like what Rowling does well in her book is that she makes you actually care about what happens. Meaning... is the evil bad enough? Is the good humble/likable enough?

Too many books have their main characters be completely absurd - i.e., even though they are fighting for a good cause, they frequently have selfish outbursts, and periods of deep self-contemplation that seem to excel all reasonableness. Eventually you start thinking, jeez, when are you going to get over your friends' death and start saving the world already??? We have a certain expectation of book characters, and honestly if they start to perform outside our acceptable limits, we start feeling annoyed/apathetic to what happens.

I'll give you guys an example. One of the more recent popular series is Suzanne Collins' Hunger Games series. Now, while it is a good book, there are just so many things wrong with it that bring it far below J.K. Rowlings' masterpiece.

(spoilers ahead)

First of all, the main character Katniss is too headstrong. She randomly does things that are completely absurd (such as running out into an open battlefield) or trying to fall in love with two guys at once. This is simply too much for the reader to handle... choose one guy and move on! We don't need to see you squibble and squabble for three entire books trying to figure out who is right for you.

And even though she is given the task of being the Mockingjay (the symbolic leader of the rebellion), she continuously questions it. I get it, you find it hard being the leader of a movement that in itself has questionable issues. But sooner or later you just get over it and do what you need to do.

All this nig-nagging has a hugely detrimental effect on the reader's enjoyment, and finally, the quality of the book. At many moments I just wanted the story to end, and I forced myself to keep reading. Instead of taking the moment to savor every page like I did the HP series, instead I found all the emotional hubbary to be simply unbearable.

I get it. There's a lot of pain, and a lot of suffering. But you don't have to PORTRAY it that way. Even in the HP books, when evil was looming above everyone's shoulders, Rowling managed to keep you hopeful, entertained, and looking forward to the next page.

This quality is in my opinion what separates a good book from a GREAT book. Screw the usual critics' notions of character development and innovative plot twists and moral and ethical themes. These don't matter nearly as much, as the simple ability to keep the reader turning the page, have them become enveloped into the story, and wish that it would never end.

Every book has moments where it can do that, but only the truly great ones are able to hold your attention and keep it.

China Vs. United States

Noah (the head trader) and another trader in my office are having a very interesting conversation. Regarding North Korea, the other trader (I don't know what his name is) is saying, why does US need North Korea? Both China and US need North Korea, because US wants to have a presence in Japan and in South Korea, and without North Korea as an enemy, those two countries will refuse to be allies with US and allow US to keep a military force there.

It's a lot like what my dad says. US has to have a war in order to continue economically. He says that with the deficit growing higher, there is little chance of increasing the money supply in order to boost the economy. So either suffer a double dip - or start a war, which will boost profits in the short-term.

However, I think this idea has faults. The deficit itself is only bad if the USD loses its status as the world's reserve currency. Until then, no one will stop investing in T bonds, and the deficit, while high, will still be relatively harmless compared to what is happening in other countries.

If everyone has their own nuclear bombs, it's not in China's best interest either that North Korea to have Nuclear Bomb. If America leaves, then NK will get these capabilities. Therefore, both of them want America to still be in North Korea, and stay the way it is right now. The US is also cooperating with China right now, because they don't want the situation to escalate.

China is in an unique spot right now. Environment, one child problems, corporation corruption problems. They are quickly growing, but they have to take care of their own disputes. According to the trader, China's thinking is still in the Qing dynasty. Same with the USSR - all the people born before the Communist party, still have the same ideas and concepts. Only the new, younger generations can eventually change the world.

China's operations in Africa - they are currently a "force for good," according to Noah. China is building a lot of infrastructure in Africa, especially for very cheap prices. However, with such a huge footprint in Africa, they get nervous about foreign influences. In Zimbabwe, there was a strike because the mines are owned by the Chinese - and according to Noah the Chinese just started shooting everybody. So everyone is thinking how about what happened in the past (15-20 years ago), where China had no human rights. However, it is also that without China, Africa would not be where it is right now. US and Europe still do not have markets in Africa because of logistical reasons, and therefore the introduction of China is critical for Africa to grow.

In terms of food, all countries HAVE to produce their own food in order to survive. They cannot allow their food supply to be relied on imports. 2% of America produce food for the entire country, and they are subsidized because of it. Even though people have been moving into cities in all countries in the world, without food production a company simply cannot survive. Same with energy - you do not want to import your energy from anywhere else.

As a Kenyan, Noah has a very unique perspective on all the geopolitical events that are occurring. There will be a geopolitical shift soon, and time will only tell.

The rich-poor gap

I've been blessed. You've been blessed. The fact that we're able to be on the internet right now posting our own thoughts, means that we are more blessed than 60% of the world right now, who don't have access to internet, who don't have access to computers and other luxuries that we take for granted.

I'm always dogged by seeing poor people on the street in NYC. It's like thinking, wow, what if I were in his/her shoes? When someone asks me for money, I always feel terrible not giving them any (because I am quite poor myself). But I want to give them money. I want to give every beggar I see something.

I think about the people in Africa and Asia, some people who do not know whether their next meal will come or not. Well, in a lot of places economic growth has really been recovering, but regardless, it's still weird seeing someone who you know has never flown on a plane in their entire life. Imagine that, being stuck in one place for your entire life... it's depressing to say the least.

Sometimes the fortunes of other people in America itself makes me feel bad. People who lose their loved ones, their children, their friends, their homes, etc, they have suffered misfortune and I feel bad as a result. A lot of people equate suffering with the fact that "God" does not care about us, but I don't think that's the case. The reason why suffering is so prevalent among everyone is because our expectations are too high.

We frequently see media portray life as some kind of party, where everyday is filled with all the pleasures of the world. Unfortunately, when we see our real life, we feel depressed that it does not mimic that of the media world. In that regard - I feel less bad for the people in Africa and Asia, than I feel for the poor people living in America. Why? Because those in the poor countries usually are not subject to this sort of mental torture - seeing someone live a life you wish you had - and they cherish their lives. They are much happier because of it.

Meanwhile, in the "land of opportunity," it's always a question of, am I doing better than that guy? Am I succeeding? Am I happy? These kind of questions are some of the most depressing questions, because the answers are rarely positive. Instead, why can't we focus on "am I taking care of my family?" Or "Am I being a good person?" These kinds of questions are much better, and will make you happier if you focus on them.

So the rich-poor gap may be there, but guess what, it actually doesn't mean that much. People's happiness is not dependent on their money, but rather on their expectations. How they manage those expectations will determine how amazing their lives are.

And everyone's life is amazing. Let's just face it. It's a magical thing to be alive.